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By Paula Marolewski, March 25, 2010 11:42 am

“Reprove a wise man, and he will love you.” – Proverbs 9:8

We all want to be wise. But here’s an interesting point: we tend to think that people who are wise are pretty much perfect. Certainly they don’t act in ways that deserve reproof, correction, or discipline! Isn’t that the essence of being wise?

That is true in the abstract: perfect wisdom would indeed yield perfect action and be a sign of perfect character. In fact, that describes God himself: he is Wisdom personified.

But we are humans – and as such, sinners. So though we may attain a level of wisdom, we are hampered by human limitations and human failings. No matter how wise we may be, we can fall into sin. (Remember Solomon and his wives and idols?)

It is then that Proverbs 9:8 comes into play: when we are wise, we will recognize, accept, and be thankful for the reproof of others that calls our sinful actions to account. Only by doing so will we continue to grow in wisdom.

• What is your first reaction when someone reproves you for something you said or did?
• Why can it be difficult to recognize that we have sinned?
• Why can it be difficult to accept our personal responsibility when we have sinned?
• Why can it be difficult to be thankful when someone corrects us?

Copyright © 2010, Paula J. Marolewski. All rights reserved.

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By Paula Marolewski, February 24, 2010 11:36 am

I have found it interesting …

• People are always willing to kvetch about their spouse, but sometimes have to be actually prodded to praise him or her.
• People will tell you about the difficulties their children are causing – like wreaking havoc with their schedules or their budget – much more readily than they will talk about the cute, beautiful, or loving stories of what their kids have done.
• People will complain about the problems in their churches way more often than they will broadcast the church’s ministries and the work God is accomplishing in people’s lives.

Surprised at that last one? Christians … complaining? Being negative? Unfortunately – yes. The fact is, I have observed every one of the above examples all too often in the Christian environment. And, unfortunately, I have been guilty of such negativity all too often myself, as well.

In this fallen world, the negative screams and the good whispers. It’s very, very easy to fall into that complaining, gossiping, pessimistic mode. My friends, we need to turn that around. We need to start promoting the good wherever we see it – in our spouses, in our kids, in our jobs, in our families, in our churches. We need to shout it out when we see God at work.

After all, if we gripe and complain all the time, why would anyone believe us when we say we’ve got “Good News” for them?

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

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• Complaints, Complaints!
• Happiness Doubled By Wonder

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By Paula Marolewski, January 27, 2010 7:15 am

I recently encountered the question: How should we respond to people who come to the church with flagrant sins in their background (i.e., sodomy, sexual crimes, murder, etc.)?

Here are three recommendations:

• First, don’t sugarcoat sin. Don’t pass off what people did lightly and say “Oh, it’s okay!” Don’t make excuses for it. Call it for what it is and look at it in the revealing light of the Word of God.
• Second, emphasize, encourage, and expect transformation of character through the grace of God. It’s not enough to preach it – the church needs to put accountability and discipleship relationships in place to help people grow and change.
• Third, let the past be the past. Don’t deny the past (that is why accountability relationships are important), but don’t focus on it either. The past is a done deal, and the old man is in the grave. Focus on who people are now – not what they were – and who they can become through God’s grace. Give people a fresh start.

Oh … and one more thing, just as a reminder: we all come to the church with flagrant sins in our background. They might be the sins of envy, greed, or gossip rather than abuse, adultery, or theft, but they are still sins that separate us from God, fester as a cancer in our soul, and destroy the vitality of our life.

So the fact is, all of us need to put into practice the above recommendations. When we realize that – and practice that – the humility of our hearts and the grace of our God will so shine in our lives that the world will be drawn to the saving Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

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• Running the Race: A Look at the Life in Christ from the Book of Romans
• Overcoming Sin

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By Paula Marolewski, January 17, 2010 4:29 pm

“I cannot kill it against your will. It is impossible. Have I your permission?” – C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

In C.S. Lewis’ novel The Great Divorce, there is a scene where an angel confronts a man tormented by lust, which is represented as a lizard perched on the man’s shoulder. The man wants to be free of the lust – which the angel says he can help him accomplish – but at first he tries to make excuses for keeping the lizard. In the course of his argument with the angel, he exclaims, “If you wanted to help me, why didn’t you kill the damned thing without asking me – before I knew? It would all be over by now if you had.”

It is at that point that the angel says clearly, “I cannot kill it against your will. It is impossible. Have I your permission?”

There is a very great lesson here: God cannot and will not free us from sin unless we ourselves want to be freed. It isn’t enough to say, “Oh, if only I didn’t struggle with <fill in the blank>!” … if we keep on making excuses to continue in our course every time God offers to help us conquer our sin.

Do I sometimes wish God would override my free will “for my own good”? Yes, I do. But then I realize why he will never do so: he values me too much. He values my partnership in this journey called life. He values my love. He values my trust. He values my identity. He wants to pour out his power and grace and love and Spirit in my life, but he wants me to be an integral part of that outpouring. For that reason, he will not force himself on me, but is waiting patiently for my permission … and with it, my cooperation and submission … so that he can act on my behalf.

• What sins are you struggling with regularly?
• Do you want to be freed from these sins? Be completely honest. If you don’t really want to be free of one or more of these sins, why not?
• How have you been cooperating with God to overcome these sins? How have you been hindering his work in your life?
• Spend time in confession and repentance, and give God permission to do whatever is necessary to help you grow in holiness.

Copyright © 2010, Paula J. Marolewski. All rights reserved.

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By Paula Marolewski, January 6, 2010 1:12 pm

“I’m not going to change – this is the way I am. Take it or leave it.”

You’ve heard that before? Perhaps you’ve said that before?

A few thoughts:

No, we cannot change another person. People are people – self-determining individuals – not projects.

And yes, God accepts us “just as I am, without one plea.”

But here’s the kicker: God doesn’t expect me to stay “just as I am.” He expects, demands, and requires change. It’s called “sanctification.”

And likewise, while those around us do not have the right to try to change us, they do have the right to expect that we will take action to change ourselves when we are living an unhealthy lifestyle, have a serious area of weakness, or are acting outside of God’s will.

Don’t change the words of the song: it’s “Just as I am, without one plea.” Not “Just as I am, now leave me be.”

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

Like this? Read more at: 

• Running the Race: A Look at the Life in Christ from the Book of Romans
• Growing Up
• 5 Keys to Spiritual Maturity

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By Paula Marolewski, October 27, 2009 9:58 am

I’ve been considering forgiveness lately. Not forgiveness of the little slights and sins that come every day from rubbing shoulders with the rest of humanity. But forgiveness of the really egregious sins … forgiveness when real pain has been inflicted and real harm has been done, perhaps with malice aforethought.

The pain, the hurt, the grief that is caused by such acts as flagrant adultery, peddling drugs, physical abuse, etc. The list is a long one, highly individualized, and added to every day.

As I considered sin and our call to grant forgiveness, I was struck anew at how hard it is to forgive. And I believe that is, actually, appropriate.

After all, in order to offer true forgiveness, we have to come to grips with true evil. If we just flippantly say, “Yes, I forgive you!” but we have not truly understood either the corruption of the human heart or the pain such evil has caused another, our words are devoid of meaning. It is only after we have felt the horror of evil that our offer of forgiveness can be real.

Too often, however, we stop there. We are paralyzed by the evil, and so we cannot offer the balm of forgiveness.

It is vital to take the second step: to grasp the infinite love, grace, and forgiveness of God. Love that is greater than the horror of true evil. Grace that reaches to the unbelievable depths of corruption in the human heart. Forgiveness that calls the foulest sinner into perfect and intimate relationship with a holy God.

Only then – having truly comprehended both the nature of evil and the triumph of the Cross – can we then begin to extend fully the forgiveness of God to a needy world.

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

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By Paula Marolewski, September 22, 2009 9:09 am

Too often, I think we minimize or brush off our own hurt. Someone offends or wounds us, and even if they ask us about it we say dismissively, “It’s okay.” But it’s not okay. We’re bleeding inside, and our relationship with the other person has been damaged.

I believe we do both ourselves and the other person a disservice when we aren’t honest about the hurts we receive. Honesty is, in fact, a prerequisite to forgiveness – and forgiveness is the healing balm for both our wounded soul and the wounded relationship.

But being honest can be a tough proposition! So here are four guidelines to help practice healthy honesty:

• First, don’t assume the other person realizes that they hurt you. The truth is, we sometimes mis-communicate or are ignorant of the effect of what we said or did.
• Second, don’t point fingers. Honesty isn’t about lashing out and hurting or condemning the other person. Simply state what happened and how it made you feel.
• Third, keep to the point. Don’t bring up past wounds or mask the present problem with specious arguments. Keep to the current issue and deal with it.
• Fourth, don’t demand that the other person ask your forgiveness. Forgiveness must be freely asked for and freely given. Just do your part: be honest.

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

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• Forgiving from the Heart

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By Paula Marolewski, September 1, 2009 10:02 am

Let me share one of the many items on my personal list of “things I have learned the hard way.” Ready? Here it is:

If everyone tells you that you’re wrong, you just might be wrong!

When I think of the trouble I could have avoided, the pain I could have been spared if only I had taken it to heart when people warned me I was making poor choices, it staggers me. So today, I simply want to pass on this hard-won bit of wisdom: if you are set on a certain course and people who know you and love you are concerned about the choices you are making, make absolutely certain to:

1. Listen carefully to them.

2. Examine in detail your reasons for making the decision(s) you are making. Be on the lookout for:

• Intellectual errors. I.e., Did you make a logical misstep somewhere? Are you making an unwarranted assumption?
• Emotional errors. I.e., Are you so emotionally wrapped-up in the decision that you refuse to consider that it might be wrong?
• Spiritual errors. I.e., Is your relationship with God on the downward spiral? Do you want something that is clearly outside of God’s will?

3. Share those reasons with the people who were giving you the warnings.

4. Listen carefully to them again!  

Sure – sometimes people can think you’re making a mistake, and they themselves can be mistaken. But, that being said …

If everyone tells you that you’re wrong, you just might be wrong!

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

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By Paula Marolewski, August 27, 2009 7:05 am

When it comes to giving and receiving forgiveness, “I’m sorry” is not the same as “Please forgive me”:

• “I’m sorry” focuses on me instead of on the person I hurt. “Will you please forgive me?” puts the focus appropriately on the injured party.
• “I’m sorry” can be said in a vacuum and requires no response. “Will you please forgive me” and “Yes, I forgive you” are lifelines thrown across a broken relationship.
• “I’m sorry” has become cheap. Do we really want to use the same word for everything from “sorry that I missed your phone call,” to “sorry that I can’t make the dinner engagement we had,” to “sorry that I murdered your son”?
• “I’m sorry” may or may not acknowledge wrong-doing. I may just be sorry that you took offense at what I said or that I got caught red-handed in sin. “Please forgive me,” on the other hand, clearly acknowledges moral guilt.  
• “I’m sorry” doesn’t necessarily require that we come down from our high-horse of pride. “Please forgive me” is by its very nature humbling: with the best kind of humility. It reinforces the fact that we are sinners, dependent on God’s grace, saved by faith, and working out our sanctification each day of our lives.

© 2009 Paula Marolewski, www.SinkYourRoots.com

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